My Facebook Break-Up

It's official. My OCD has ruined this relationship! You're right, Facebook, It's not you. It's me!

I have the smarts to see when a great relationship has reached its expiration date. There comes a time when novelty fades and the razzmatazz of adding new "friends" is quickly replaced with the doldrums of dodging  repetitive requests to play Candy Crush or to "like" pictures of  puppies, public service announcements, or Snooki's baby. Facebook and I broke up quietly without drama, without too many hurt feelings. In fact, all of my "friends" were quite supportive.

Tonight will be the first night I no longer flip my phone over and over from the reaches of the dark long after I have crawled under my comforter and clicked off the lamp on my nightstand. I won't check relentlessly to see if Facebook had something to say to me like which of my friends have checked in at Chili's this evening and whose child is awake with a fever on the couch and watching "Frozen" for the third time again tonight.

Our relationship had turned shallow and no longer supplied the intoxication of intrigue it did when we first hooked up 6 years ago. Instead, it slowly began to reek of jealousy, cast judgement, breed hypocrisy, and turned many once-hearty, realtionships into nothing more than the flimsy, annual "Happy Birthday" post they receive when Facebook reminds me a day in advance of my loved ones' special day. I admit! The blame falls squarely on my shoulders. I owe it those I really love to call them, visit them, email then and yes, even text them. After-all, I owe them for not posting pre-pubescent photos of me and my lop-sided bob and my gold hammer pants when Throwback Thursdays rolled around!

I need space, Facebook. Time to sort out my junk, to mechanically separate my relationships into usable and practical parts. To tend to those relationships with things like talks, hugs, and letters. I know, I know.....
Those things seem to have gone the way of other cultural antiquities like sasparilla, hootenannies, and haberdasheries! I get it! But Facebook, consider us on a break. I can no longer squealch my need to see other people. See them with my own eyes, touch them with my own hands, and hear them with my own ears.